Time to Pay the Money

To say that Butch Davis is happy at North Carolina where he will never surpass basketball as king of the hill, is ridiculous. I know there may be a few names the masses might like better, but none fit as well or are as limited on risk as is Butch Davis. He will come with a big price tag, but we will pay. Wouldn't you, after yesterday's debacle. Butch has ties to South Florida and has been a fantastic recruiter in the past - ask Larry Coker. I know he says he wouldn't leave North Carolina right now, but let's be honest....show him the money and he would be here. It would be down right stupid for him to turn us down.

In the meantime, our season is laughable. Let's just watch to see if we have any young talent that the new coach can turn into football players.

A Very Sad Day

A very sad day today indeed for those of us that have enjoyed so many victories under Phil Fulmer. Whether he could have turned it around next year or not, it was clear the underlying currents of today's landscape had swept a lot of his previous luster away. Go ye therefore ole Phil down in Tennessee lore, and bask in the glory that was your success. Keep your head high as you did an admirable job in almost all aspects of your tenure. You lead with great class, never rubbing anyone's nose in it when we were winning and losing with dignity. We were never in trouble with the NCAA under your watch and your players genuinely respected you.

Besides, if we continue to suck in the future, you can come back like Majors and take great joy in it. I know you wouldn't do that and here's hoping you start relaxing like heck in the interim of your professional career.

What's more boring?

What's more boring? This guy to your left with his 22 year tiptoe through the rainforest or watching are pathetic offense? There have been years when I thought we just outright blew offensively, but this year takes the proverbial cake. This weekend we match up with the number one run defense in the SEC, and judging by our rushing performances against Alabama, Auburn, and Georgia, we are in deep doo-doo. Whether Garcia, Smelly, or grouchy can combine for more points than Eric Berry is this weeks' burning question and frankly Tennessee's only hope. Wait a minute.....that play to Denarius Moore is our only other good offensive play. Maybe we can trick em' by running Arian Foster on a reverse, or perhaps we can learn to check off at the line of scrimmage so as not to have a roll-out on a corner blitz.

Whatever that mastermind Clawson comes up with, I'm sure we'll see plenty of shots panning over to Fulmer clapping his hands, wincing in pain, or the new gesture - his hat pulled down over his face.

Come Saturday, it may be Spurrier that puts the final nail in the coffin of Fulmer's tenure. Surely no you say, but the way it's been going for him this year, that would certainly be apropos. With that said, I'll be cheering for them as always, as I'm a glutton for punishment....otherwise I wouldn't be workin' like heck on this blog for all to enjoy.

CLEAN HOUSE!!!

I can't say it any simpler. This disjointed, offensive offense is the worst since I've been alive, and I'm starting to get plenty long in the tooth. Our decision making regarding who is the game has been atrocious; we've returned 10 starters from last year to lay in the lap of Clawson, and he just plain SUCKS. We half-heartedly go after the best player from Alcoa last year, and now he looks like the only player Kentucky has that's a playmaker. Unfreakingbelievable. Brandon Warren looks like he's lost, yet Cobb at Kentucky can successfully be their best at two positions? Unfriggincanny. We've ponied-up to put some lipstick on Neyland Stadium, so now let's pony-up and hire a dadgum good coaching staff. Screw you too Majors if you're starting to enjoy this.

Dissin' the Tide

Alabama, the old establishment of the South, has found new blood. Their atrocities are too numerous for me to mention everyone, but let's not forget them playing with illegal players or fat linemen that cost 200 grand. They use the excuse that they have been hurt by probation for the last 20 years as to why they haven't been up to their own standard, but let's imagine all the players in the 70's, 80's, and 90's that they had when money came rolling in. Racketeering U has been at it a long time. You can't be an open braggart any longer these days about paying for players or giving them $100 handshakes just as you can't be an open klansman in Alabama anymore without getting a few FBI officials on your tail - I think. Well, in Alabama, maybe you can, but nowhere else except maybe Mississippi.

Nick Satan has arrived and restored much needed discipline to their program, but I'm not convinced he's squeaky clean as Michigan State was one of the schools on Albert Means list until the very end. Saban has been proven to be a bold-faced liar and just a general douche to his fellow coaches, but somehow they win wherever he goes, until....he leaves. It will be tough for him to cough up $4 mil unless he gets tired of living in the sticks or he gets a better offer from another pro team that has any talent whatsoever. It looks like for the foreseeable future that they may have a pretty good situation, especially if Obama starts handing out freebies to the poor...maybe they will dress the place outside the campus up a little bit. While driving from Montgomery to Tuscaloosa years ago on business, I got to see Alabama the beautiful in all its' glory; even the black folks had yard jockeys in front of their trailers.

Even with all the hatred that I have for the bammers, I can't help feel bad for them for some things. After all, anytime Hollywood needs to throw in a hick, rebel, redneck, ignorant, uneducated, mouth-breathing inbred, they use their mobile sets to travel to either Alabama or West Virginia. Heck, they can't even claim Lynard Skynard....their from Jacksonville. I even feel sorry for Bear Bryant. Just when you think your resting in peace in the afterlife, Logan Young comes along and starts jock-sniffing you again. The third Saturday in October is always fun to look forward to, and as bad as we can't stand em', this rivalry is one of the nation's best. Let's work like heck and kick some Tide ass. GO VOLS!!!

Go Vols.

BAMA comes to town

No talk of illegal players, no talk about subpoenas, no talk of mass cheating from Tide boosters....the only talk has been about how dominant Alabama's offensive and defensive lines have been this year so far. With a number two ranking and a weasel of a coach, the elephants rumble into town looking to lay the smack down on Fulmer in his farewell parade. One can only imagine what that mastermind Clawson is thinking now that Alabama is missing its' all-american to be fat noseman. I'll bet he has a special package for Josh McNeil in the works as we speak, and we all know how well those packages work (remember Eric Locke); I know the tuskers do.

In all seriousness, a victory for Alabama might be bittersweet in that it further spells the demise of Fulmer. They can act on the radio and message boards like they hate him worse than Madonna hates Palin, but let's face it, they would hate anybody in Orange on the sidelines. The same way we gave encouraging words toward them with the brilliance of bringing in Shula to clean up their mess, some of them that I've heard on the radio are trying to prop up Phil to keep him in Neyland...notwithstanding all the blame they give him for their past struggles.

Be that as it may, it may be worth it to ante up to hire the right man. It sure looks like it has worked for them. Their fans are as giddy as Ben Aflleck and Matt Damon sitting on Obama's knee playing "ride a little pony". The attention of Saban's enormous salary has been supplanted by their successful start, and it probably helps that now everyone's turning their attention to other colossal wastes of salaries of companies like AIG and Fannie Mae. They make Saban look like a begger at I-40 and Lovell road. Who needs a personality when your that rich anyway? As streaky as this series has been over time, I don't like the trend lines I'm seeing on this chart, but maybe our loyal leader has one more trick up his extra large sleeve and can at least dash the national championship hopes of Bama on his way out. That might be almost enough for our fans to forgive him for the past four or five years.

COACHES

I've been thinking about our soured coaching quandry that we find ourselves in today. Everybody's got an opinion on our coaching situation, and I think the talk shows have worn most of us out listening to caller after caller's take on the subject. I was thinking about our coaches in a different way the other day. What got me thinking about it was our long lasting tenures with two coaches at here at Tennessee. It brought to mind an analogy that kept growing in my mind the more I thought about it - coaches are like girlfriends.

I'll speak for myself in saying this: I have loved Fulmer for a long time, but now I must spurn him. He's the girlfriend you've had for a long time. Sure, she was hot at first, but now she says the same thing time and time again and she has packed on the pounds. All you hear on his show is blah, blah, blah....just like when you're trying to blog when your girlfriend's trying to bend your ear. She's been loyal to you and you to her, but just like no SEC championships in 10 years, you've grown tired of her and finally decided it's time to cut bait while you're still young. Besides, all your best friends have started dating new hot girls...some of them even unconventional and even with more expensive tastes than yours. There's a new breed of girlfriends in the league from the demanding(Saban) to the goodie two-shoes(Richt).

Chavis is like the fat girl that you succomb to when you're not very dashing or charasmatic yourself. Sure, she's got good qualities like a sense of humor, or an aire of culture, but she's not going to be courted by anyone else. She'll be solid when you hit tough times offensively, but just when you think she may be the one, she plays too loose and gets you beat on 4th and long.

Cutcliffe was like the girl you liked more when you broke up with her than when you dated her. After pining for the good ole days when she was there every time you turned around, you've realized she's not very good looking and quite frankly, dull. Now, your not happy again and found yourself wondering why you took her back in the first place. She spiced up your life briefly after getting rid of that Sanders chick that was not quite all there mentally, but you are not going to loose any sleep over her this time. Good riddance and hope you have a good life with those rich, smart boys over in Raleigh.

Clawson's like the hot, new girl that came into town over the summer and you're like "wow, I think I could really date her", only to find that she's not up to speed with even your girlfriends of the past. You feel bad about it, but let's face it...she's only a one-night stand.

Coach Pearl's like the girlfriend that you are crazy about, and can't wait to show off to your friends. She may be a little to wild for your family, but she's got a rocking bod, and all the other teams out there are giving her flowers and inclinations of gifts to make her theirs. It's gone great so far, and the season's just around the corner, but you're always waiting for the other shoe to fall. Even her being jewish hasn't kept you from believing that could convert her to be a good protestant girl. Sure, you have to pay an arm and a leg, but you are willing and so is she.

Coach Summitt is the girl that you would date....well, let's be serious with ourselves, you wouldn't. You don't go that way. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but you just don't like girl's basketball.

With all that said, we will have scars from breaking up with our girlfriend; we'll lose wait, won't leave the house for a while, watch basketball, and keep an eye out for the next belle of Tennessee.